


Surviving the Fall

by SurvivingTheFall



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Depressed John, Injured Sherlock, Letters, Love Confessions, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, POV John Watson, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-Reichenbach, Post-The Reichenbach Fall, Slow Build, Swearing, Worried John
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-04-10 07:04:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 4,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4382003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SurvivingTheFall/pseuds/SurvivingTheFall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two months after Sherlock's suicide, John receives a letter.</p><p>As per request, we've added text to every single letter in case it is hard to read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to ‘Surviving the Fall’; an account which is shared by [Aiden](http://imayjustbesherlockholmes.tumblr.com) and [Christel](http://johnnlocked.tumblr.com) for the sole purpose of sharing our role-play project with you all.
> 
> This role-play will focus on the writing of letters. More specifically, letters written between Sherlock and John. It will start with the first letter which is sent by Sherlock Holmes, two months after faking his suicide by jumping off of the roof of St. Bart’s hospital.
> 
> Christel writes John Watson and Aiden writes Sherlock Holmes and does the graphics.
> 
> From now on, we will update once a week, on Thursdays.

 

Dear John,

 

It’s been exactly two months since I jumped off the roof of Saint Bart’s. I’m not dead. Let me explain. Don’t throw this letter out without reading it properly first. Moriarty said he would kill you if I didn’t jump. I couldn’t lose you. He was going to kill you and Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade. I couldn’t let that happen. I’m dismantling his network so I can come homesafely. It took me until now to convince Mycroft to let me send this to you. Sadly, the only way it’s safe is through him. You cannot tell anyone I’m alive or both our lives may be in danger. If you won’t do that for my life think about Mrs. Hutson and Lestrade. Even Mycroft can’t keep all of you safe if they find out.

 

Most of all, I am sorry John. I’m sorry I hurt you.

 

Sherlock Holmes


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John's reply

 

Sherlock,

 

You complete and utter cockface!

 

One word, Sherlock. I would have needed just one word. I could have helped you, done something. Anything! Instead, you let me watch as you fell to your death.  ~~I thought~~

 

You dickhead!

 

And of course bloody Mycroft was in on it. He sat there and lied to my face. Went to your funeral. Your funeral, Sherlock! Do you have any idea how that made us feel?! Me? Mrs Hudson? Greg? Did you think about us at all when you concocted up this little scheme with Mycroft?

 

I punched him, by the way. After I read your letter. Went to that damned club and punched him right in his office. Left after that and got drunk. Might still be a little to be honest.

 

Twat. You could still die. You could die, alone, and I won’t even know until it is too late. Again. Why didn’t you let me help you?  ~~Why did you leave~~

 

I don’t know which is worse. Mourning you or worrying about you like I’m doing right now? You better come back, Sherlock. I need to punch you too. You deserve it.

 

John Watson

 

PS: Mycroft is sporting a rather impressive black eye. He is glaring at me while I add this before I leave this letter with him for you. Hurry up, Sherlock; you might miss it.


	3. chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's second letter

 

 

John,

 

I had to fight for this. For it to be safe to write letters to you. I had no other choice, John. Would you rather have that I’d actually died? Or that they’d killed you and Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade? I did think about all of you and I decided I would rather have you mourn over me than all of you dead.

 

Do not tell them. If you do you will put them in danger. No matter how much I hate to admit it, without Mycroft I’d be dead by now (do not let him know that).  
John, don’t do anything stupid. I’ll be back soon enough, but you need to move on. You need to get a job again and stop seeing that ridiculous therapist. She was wrong about everything and she will continue to do so.

 

I won’t die. I have survived everything and I will be back home. Just last week I encountered one of Moriarty’s best killers. I was tracking him across a Canadian national park. In the middle of the night he attempted to surprise and kill me. I fought him and won. He, with his three broken bones is off to gitmo and I only have a hairline fracture.

 

There’s a lot of people I need track down and eliminate. I don’t know when I’ll be back but you have my word that I will be back.

  
  
Sherlock Holmes

 

PS: would you please attach a photo of Mycroft and his black eye to your next letter?


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

Sherlock, **  
**

You don’t get to decide what is better for us. Two months. Two whole months and I can still hear Mrs Hudson crying when she thinks I can’t hear her. She practically flees our flat whenever she comes up here.

 

Greg looked like absolute shit the last time I saw him. They demoted him, did you know that?

 

And fuck you for putting me in to the position where I have to lie to them, Sherlock! But I will.

 

How on Earth could you think that letting us mourn you was the best choice? Do you have any idea what you mean to us? We would have helped, all of us, if you had only told us what was going on. We could have faced this together, figured something out.

 

I don’t care you only suffered a hairline fracture (Where is it? How is the pain? Are you being treated?) you’re alone and I know how bloody reckless you can be.

 

Jesus Christ, you’re alive Sherlock. I saw you fall to your death and now I’m here, writing a letter to you, begging you not to die again.

 

Why did you contact me? If it was such a risk, why send a letter to me at all? Whatever it was, don’t stop. Write me, as often as you can. Before I start harassing your brother again (there was too much time between your last letters).

 

John Watson.

 

PS: It is a bit faded and the lighting is a bit off, but here you go.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

John,

 

Have you found a job yet? You never liked just sitting around. You shouldn’t start that now. It doesn’t suit you. You should go back to being a doctor.

 

How can you think I would risk your lives to play a game with a madman. Don’t turn this around on me. I did what I had to do.

 

My arm is healing well. I received adequate medical care. It was Canada after all. Hadn’t I already destroyed the files I’d have sent you a copy of my X-Rays.

 

Thank you for the picture of my brothers black eye. It keeps my spirits up.

 

Get Lestrade a pint and Mrs. Hudson a cup of tea. While you’re looking after Mrs. Hudson you should probably poor the bottle of scotch she’s hidden behind the cleaning supplies though the drain. She’ll only drink too much.

 

I’m currently flying to a more remote area therefor it my next letter may be a bit slower. Apologies.

 

Sherlock

 


	6. Chapter 6

Sherlock,

 

You’re avoiding the question, you git. Why did you sent me that first letter if it was so dangerous for me to know you’re still alive?

 

And where are you going? Christ, Sherlock, you can’t do that to me. Dangling the information right in front of me and then not telling me anything. I tried to get Mycroft to tell me but I think Anthea will tackle me to the floor if I get too close to him again.

 

I’m worried, Sherlock. For you, for Greg, for Mrs Hudson (you were right about the scotch; it had already been opened). Meanwhile they keep calling and checking up on me because they think I am the one who needs looking after. ~~Can’t blame them~~

 

No job. I couldn’t. ~~Can’t~~. Never mind that. I’ll be fine as soon as you get back. So you better get back, Sherlock.

 

Please be careful.

 

I’ll be waiting for your next letter.

 

John


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay! We hope you'll forgive us.

 

John, 

Can’t you see it? I sent it because I didn’t want you to suffer any more than you already did. It was impossible to do it any other way. Why can’t you see that?

Mycroft can’t tell you because he doesn’t know. I won’t tell you because I cannot afford to let anyone know. Not even you. 

Find a job John. Don’t sit around. You’ll feel worse and they won’t worry as much about you. Hell, even Mycroft is starting to worry. You’re going to the pub most nights, you visit his club every morning. A job will be good for you. Grabbing for the bottle isn’t the answer. How long before either Mycroft or Lestrade will have to bail you out? 

How long do I need to keep stitches in? it wasn’t anything major, just three stitches, but I’m not sure how long to leave them in for. Please write again soon, 

Sherlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John tried to burn the letter, hence the damages to it.


	8. Chapter 8

Sherlock,

Fuck you.

 

John

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... John is not happy.


	9. Chapter 9

Sherlock, 

I was going to leave it there, you prick. How dare you judge the way I mourned you? And how dare you judge the way I deal with not knowing if I have to mourn you again? So I wasn’t going to send you anymore letters. 

But since your brother apparently has an x-ray vision and one hell of a judgmental stare, I’m sitting here, in his office, writing you another letter. I’m so angry with you Sherlock. I’m angry at you for leaving us behind, even though I get it and I might have done the same had I been in your shoes. I’m angry at you for telling me what to do while you’re a thousand miles away and you’re the reason I’m doing it in the first place! 

As for a job; I can’t. The media is still tailing me whenever they can get the chance. That and the limp has come back. Badly. And I couldn’t focus on working, even if I tried. Besides, someone needs to look after Mrs Hudson. 

If you worry so much about me, then you better get your ass back home soon! 

What happened? Why do you have stitches and how put them there? Was it done properly? Depending on the area, you should leave them for 5 to 10 days. Please tell me you’ll look after it and keep it clean. 

Be careful. 

Please. 

 

John.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woops, completely forgot about this one! Enjoy. Hope it makes a bit more sense now.

 

John,

 

How can you do this to me, John. I’m worried sick about you. I’m worried you’ll throw away the things you still have, that when I come back to London you won’t be there anymore. What’s the point of all of this if you’re not there to come back to?

 

How can you think I want it to be like this? You seem to pretend all too easily that I don’t have feelings.

 

The cut is healing well, if you’re still interested. I clean it every day.

 

If you need help with the media tell Mycroft. I’ll make sure he’ll do what you ask.

 

 

Sherlock  


	11. Chapter 11

Sherlock,

You have a lot of bloody nerve to try and turn this around on me. Do you have any idea how worried I am? How I have to keep my phone close, staring at it, because I am terrified that Mycroft will call with bad news. That you’re captured or missing or dead. You talk about your injuries and I am not there to take care of you and it is killing me, Sherlock.

Christ. This is messed up.

I know you care. Even you if you always tried to hide it.

I’ll be here, Sherlock. No matter how long it will take, I’ll be here for when you come home. And I want to know everything that is going on with you, alright? I want to know where you are, what you’re doing, how you’re doing. Everything.

Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. We all will be.

Focus on getting back.

John.


	12. Chapter 12

 

John,

 

I apologize if my brother comes dashing in on an unusual time, I asked him to deliver this letter ASAP. I’m currently in a hospital after a mission that went wrong. Please don’t be too upset, I am alive and I wasn’t in any life threatening danger, but it hurts like hell.

 

I was working undercover when my cover was blown. They were rather determined to find out what I knew and some of the wounds they inflicted will leave permanent scars.

 

As I said I am currently in hospital and I am well looked after. For your own safety you cannot know where. It is not safe. You said you wanted to know everything, but are you sure you want to see what they did to me? Will you be able to let me do this?

 

I need your help. There are whispers that one of Mycroft’s men has become a double agent and may attempt to kill him. Please keep an eye on my brother, John. I worry. We could all be in danger.

 

Yours truly,

 

Sherlock


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

Sherlock,

 

What the hell happened to you? Where are you hurt and what do your injuries consist off? I told you in one of my earlier letters; I want to know everything, Sherlock! Christ, I’ve been there with you every single step of the way since the moment we met and you really think I’m backing away from you now? I want to see. I want to know.

 

I am still your doctor and your friend.

 

Trust me, the images I have in mind right now regarding your injuries can’t be worse than the reality of things. Unfortunately, I am well aware I can’t stop you from continuing this. But, please, listen to me when I tell you to take your time recovering from this. I know you. You’ll rush in, without a care for your own well being and this time I am not there to help you. I need you to come back.

 

I owe you a punch in the face, remember?

 

I am working together with Mycroft and Anthea to figure out who the double agent might be. Mycroft has been spending quite a lot of time here at Baker Street and sleeping upstairs so I can keep an eye on him - took a lot of convincing on my part, but Anthea supported my idea. Your brother doesn’t stand a chance against her, did you know that? She can be a bit scary to be honest.

 

Again Sherlock, be careful.

 

I want you to come home, in one piece, where you belong.

 

~~With me~~

 

John


	14. Chapter 14

 

Transcript between John Watson (JW) and Sherlock Holmes on [blanked out] at [blanked out] to [blanked out]

JW: John Watson.

SH: John. Hey.

JW: Sh - Sherlock?! Jesus Christ, is that really you?

SH: Yes. Yes, it’s me.

JW: Christ... Sherlock... I - God, this is real. You're alive.

SH: You owe me a punch in the face, don’t you?

JW: Yeah. Yeah, you really do. So you did get my last letter. Good. That's... good. Where are you? What happened?

SH: I left the hospital yesterday.

JW: Why where in one, in the first place? I want to know, Sherlock. Just... please.

SH: John… I can’t. It’s not safe.

JW: Bullshit! You wouldn't have called if it wasn't safe. I want to know! That is the least you can do for me after everything you put me through!

SH: I am at an army base. This is a encrypted line so no one can trace it. That’s all I can tell you.

JW: Sherlock... I want to know. I want to know what you're going through. If I can't help you there, than at least let me... you know what, never mind. Why did you call?

SH: I miss you John.

JW: I - Jesus, Sherlock, I miss you too. You should be here! I just…

SH: But we both know I can’t. Not yet. How are you holding up?

JW: Yeah, I'm... I'm managing. Your brother is a bit of a pain but he keeps me on my toes. Better than it was, at least. You?

SH: i’m… I’ll be honest, the cuts still hurt. It’s getting better though.

JW: Okay, that's... all I could hope for really. Please, take care of yourself, Sherlock. I want you back here. I still owe me that punch remember?

SH: As long as you will be the one to look after it. I’ve seen enough hospitals for a lifetime.

JW: Of course I will. I am your doctor remember? And your friend. Just... promise me to come back in one piece.

SH: You know I will do everything I can to come home safely.

JW: That's good... can you tell me where you will be going next?

SH: No, but I can tell you I hope to be back before Christmas.

JW: Okay. That's - yeah, that's good. I'll manage that long. Mycroft thinks we will be able to figure out who the double is, so things can turn back to normal here. Though, I have to admit, kinda like this. Bit like you were here. The flat is... it was too quiet, Sherlock... I nearly moved out.

SH: Don’t let him touch my violin.

JW: Don't worry. It is your room with me. Oh, before I forget. Did you leave the hospital or did they let you go?

SH: They let me go. The doctor declared me fit enough to travel.

JW: I'm trusting you on that one. I can't even tell if you're lying or not.

SH: I’ll send you the file from the hospital, if it’s that important to you.

JW: It is, okay?! It is bad enough that you won't tell me what the hell happened to you and leave me here to worry and, if you haven't forgotten, the last phone call wasn't exactly an honest one now, was it?

SH: You say that like I had a choice.

JW: Jesus Sherlock... I'm sorry. I'm just angry. And I worry. I want you back here.

SH: I miss you too John.

JW: Yeah... yeah, I - hold on. I can hear something. Be right back.

SH: John-

-long silence, then a gunshot-

SH: JOHN!

JW: Hello? Sherlock, you still there?

SH: John… What’s going on?

JW: Look, I can't stay on the phone for long. Mycroft and I need to leave. They tried to... jesus Christ, they were already in the house! What if Mrs Hudson... okay. Listen to me. I am fine. Your brother is fine and the bastard who broke in is knocked out. Anthea is on her way. Be careful! We don't know if they were listening in somewhere.

SH: Be careful. Please be careful. I need someone to come back to. I.. I need you.

JW: Sherlock... I'll be here. Do you hear me? I'll be here, waiting for you when you get back. Always.

-line goes dead-


	15. Chapter 15

 

Sherlock,

 

Christ, you weren’t kidding when you said they were after Mycroft. First off, we’re fine. All of us. Not a scratch on us. Mrs Hudson was asleep and woke up from the gunshot. She was safe. The bastard didn’t even look there, thank God.

 

Mycroft is fine. Tense (he thinks I can’t tell), but he’s fine.

 

And I’m okay too. He missed. We have to buy a new cow head for on the wall, though. And I owe Greg one hell of an explanation as well.

 

We’re at Mycroft’s house now and we’ll stay there for a while. Until you’re back at least. Everyone else thinks I’m out in the country and Mrs Hudson is caring for her sister (Mycroft spared some men to guard her and Harry just in case there will be another attempt) so we should be fine.

 

It felt good to hear your voice again, Sherlock. Never knew how much I missed hearing you speak. The flat is too quiet without you and it feels good to be away from there for a while. Even while I know you’re still alive, the silence is just too much and heavy sometimes.

 

Mycroft tells me you’re getting closer to the end of things but somehow that doesn’t reassure me as much as it should. Please, promise me you’ll be careful, Sherlock. Don’t trip over the last hurdle. I want you… no, I need you to come back safely to me. To us.

 

Can you tell me where you’re going? Yeah, I know, you can’t, but I won’t stop asking. I never will.

 

Please reply soon, Sherlock.

 

I miss you.

 

Yours,

 

John.

 

PS: I realised I never said that or written that before, but I mean it, Sherlock. I am yours. Always.


	16. Chapter 16

 

It was so close. I could feel the bullet go through my hair. I couldn’t help myself. How do you do that? It hurts. It hurts so much. It won’t shut up, why won’t it shut up? I emptied my whole clip into them. I couldn’t stop it, I just had to do it, I need to keep my promise to you. It’s what people do don’t they? Leave a note. I pulled the trigger over and over again and then they were nothing but dead bodies. I pulled the trigger over and over and over and over. Oh shit they’re here. They’ve come for me!

 

How do you cope with killing John? I apologize for the ramblings, I was not myself exactly. I am not entirely sure what happened. As far as I can recall this happened: I was running and I climbed onto a roof. They followed. One of them shot at me and one of the bullets went right by my ear, through my hair. Then I lost it. I emptied the whole clip in the two men and left. It keeps repeating in my mind every time I close my eyes. I can’t sleep. I miss you more than I can put into words. I cannot wait to see you again, but I must. I’m so glad you’re safe. I’m even glad my brother is safe. I’ll be home soon. Not long now.

  
  
Yours truly,   
Sherlock

  
  
PS: The file you asked for is on the USB stick I included.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the mix-up! This letter and the letter that should have come after, had traded places in my documents. So, without further ado, this is the letter that SHOULD have gone up.

Sherlock, **  
**

 

There is nothing I can say to make it easier for you. Only, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to do that. I’m so sorry you have to go through this now, alone, without me. I could have done it for you. I would have. I would have killed them over and over again if that meant you’d stay safe and spared from this.

 

You defended yourself Sherlock. They would have killed you so you killed them first. There is no shame in that. No guilt. Any man I know would have done the same.

 

Call me if you need to. If the dreams get too much; I know how terrible they can be. Know this, Sherlock: you are NO murderer. You saved yourself. You were in danger.

 

It feels inadequate, to write these words on paper. I know they’re not enough but they are all I can give you. When you get back, I’ll tell you them, face to face. I’ll try and chase the dreams away, somehow. If you’ll let me.

 

Thank you for the files. I feel slightly better; the doctor you had was a good one. Though I am still worried about your injuries - once you get back I’ll look them all over myself - I know you’ll be alright. I’ll be there. Every step of the way.

 

I’m waiting for you Sherlock.

 

Please stay safe.

 

Always yours,

 

John.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was previously chapter 17, but of course, that was a mistake. So, here the letters are. In the right order!

 

Sherlock, **  
**

 

Mycroft is hiding something. Do not roll your eyes at me! I know you and I reckon I know your brother and he is hiding something.

 

I’ve received no word from you since my last letter and I’m worried sick. I can’t stop imagining all the horrible things that might have gone wrong. You said you were close to coming home. They often say, the last hurdle is the most difficult one.

 

Oh Sherlock, please, let me know if you’re alright. One single word from you will do.

 

Please.

Yours,

John


	19. Chapter 19

Sherlock, **  
**

I knew it. I fucking knew it.

 

Mycroft told me. After I managed to get Anthea away from him long enough to corner him. I had to threaten bloody murder before he relented and it took one impressive manoeuvre from Anthea - never have been able to distract her long enough - to get me down.

 

Serbia.

 

Please hold on, Sherlock. I don’t know if you are still able to read these letter - Mycroft won’t tell me how long you’ve been quiet - but I have to write them. I will go mad if I don’t. If I lose this last connection I have with you.

 

We’re coming, Sherlock.

 

Yes, Sherlock.

 

Both of us.

 

Don’t argue.

 

I’m getting you out of there. Even if it kills me, I will get you out. I promise.

 

John.


	20. Chapter 20

 

John, my John. I love you. There it is, plain and simple. I love you. I’m so tired, John. Everything hurts. I don’t know if I’ll be able to come home. I know I promised but I’m so tired. Truth is, I failed you. I can see it so clearly now. All I wanted is to be with you. I would destroy worlds to be with you. I needed to protect you so badly I left you alone. Please, John, please tell me you still want me. You and me against the world. Just us. Please tell me you still want that. I’m sorry, John, I’m so so sorry.


	21. Chapter 21

 

Sherlock,

 

My dear Sherlock. My brave and strong Sherlock.

 

I wish you’d wake up so I could say this to your face, but you need to rest. You need to heal. That’s more important right now. I came so close to losing you and I can’t - Christ, Sherlock, when they brought you in like that… when I saw you after all this time…

 

But you’re okay. You’ll be okay. We’re taking care of you now, so take your time. But please… don’t stay asleep for too long. I want to say something to you. I want to tell you that I love you. I want to tell you that you could never fail me. You risked your life for me, Sherlock. You’ve endured so much pain, to keep me safe. I want to tell you that I’ve killed for you and would have done so again. I want to tell you, that I will always want you, in every life, in every universe, I want you.

 

I love you.

 

I’ve always loved you.

 

I’ll always love you.

 

Rest for as long as you need. I won’t leave your side again. I’ll be right here, next to you, when you wake up. But in case you wake up when I’m asleep (I know you, you never do things the easy way), I’ll keep this letter close. Read it. Memorise it. And when you have, wake me up and I’ll tell you I love you to your face.

 

Forever yours,

 

John

**Author's Note:**

> We hope you will enjoy reading this as much as we do writing it. We have no clear direction (yet) as to where we're going, so the tags will change as the story progresses. 
> 
> Please let us know what you think; we crave feedback. Also, let us know if there are any problems with the image files. We will fix them as quickly as we can!


End file.
